In her thirties, life had settled into an unsatisfactory routine of cooking, cleaning, and caring for the household, and it fundamentally disagreed with the woman she had always been. She was intelligent and independent, outgoing and adventurous, but a pregnancy in her teenage years had denied her the chance to spend more of her youth taking on the world. Of course, the unexpected pregnancy was itself a consequence of her promiscuity. Steven, a reliable and responsible breadwinner, was hardly the man the sexual deviant had imagined herself marrying. As she turned into a small alley, she noticed a trio of wrinkled beggars sitting on the rough gravel, backs to her. Homeless old men were becoming an increasingly ubiquitous feature in the peripheries of the city. They were huddled together in the cold, perceptibly shivering. Her heart went out to them. Sliding her jacket deftly off her slim shoulders, she strode towards the men, intending to offer her outerwear to protect them from the. Time and time again, I avoided potential relationships with other men as I still believed I only wanted Vincent. I wanted nothing more than his acceptance, just as always. I wanted him to want me… and an aching fear of being left by him was always on my mind. I was so alone. Day after day I had waited for him… What started off as regular, romantic dates, eventually turned into a few sappy text messages saying “Miss you xoxo.” I was finally starting to give up, even having thoughts that he found something better… Or someone. As my melancholy kept clinging to me, I kept clinging to anything from him. Reluctant to leave, and dying for more…. I was out of my mind. To fill the agonizing time between my encounters with Vincent, I often read smutty romance novels to pass the time. My collection began to accumulate over the months. I made weekly trips to the book store in order to purchase these novels. Often embarrassed and afraid that someone I knew may catch me in this section. I had a.
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